I thought it was time to let people know about my new Filipina girlfriend. Her name is Jhen Dequilla Libo-on.  She works here in Cebu City but is from Negros Occidental.  I cannot yet say her last name correctly. I tried to learn but she was too busy laughing at me. I have run into that with Filipina before when trying to learn the language. I need to keep saying it and saying it until I figure it out. I hope she can teach me the language but I have my doubts. I don’t pick up languages very easily. Her English could be a bit better. We will get better at it though. We can learn from each other. I hope to keep her around for a long time.

Jhen is an amazing, caring, giving and loving woman that does not need anything from me but me. She tries hard to please me. I cannot tell you why she needs me. After a month, I still do not get it. I am twice her age, my health is falling apart, I am not broke but I am a long way from having enough money.  She thinks I’m handsome, many Filipina do and I do not understand that either. I am not complaining about it though.

Jhen is an Attractive and Giving Filipina Girlfriend

Jhen or Jenny of Jennifer is quite sexy. She is very thin, but I like thin. Awesome to watch her walk away which she hates for me to do ha ha. She is not packingFilipina Girlfriend a lot there but she moves it very nice. I hope one day she actually likes that I like it ha ha.  Hey, I am a guy. I am not ashamed of liking those kinds of things. If you have a problem with that, the problem is completely your own. She will get used to it. My guess is, she secretly likes it.  Likewise, if you think she is too young for me, that is your problem, I like her age just fine. I am not interested at all in conforming to the values of the West. I wasted far too much time trying to do what others expected. In fact, “Bite me.”

I love hair and she has very nice hair. I am falling in love with her more each day. She is quite shy but there is a tiger sleeping inside. She looks way too good to be wearing all those close in our hotel room. Again, so shy.

She rents a room but has been with me every night except one since the fourth of January. She works in Lapu Lapu and takes a taxi there and back daily just to be with me. I think I need to look for something in Lapu Lapu. It will save her a lot of money. I don’t know if I can find something suitable that I can afford. I worry about Internet connection speed, a satellite connection will not be way to slow for me. Apartments can be found cheap there though. It will cause my own cost to go up to move there.

She doesn’t need me for financial help and that leaves me a little perplexed. Never really dreamed that would happen. I’ve met a few others that were not interested in me because of money but only one other woman that was completely uninterested in my money.  She has been great, her perfume is about to kill me but she is learning that it will do that to me. She is getting better about wearing it only away from me. Perfumes really make me sick, they are every bit as bad as bug spray. But spray is very hard on my lungs.

A Little Filipino Culture that may be Important to your Filipina Girlfriend

I think she sends most of her money to her family. Something that is very important for most Filipina, especially young Filipina. If your girl wants you to send money to her family, she is not asking you to do anything she would not do if she is working. You are not being taken advantage of because you are a foreinger. I cannot tell you that is not why she is with you. It depends on the girl. You should ask her about this before things get very serious with her. Maybe set a budget for an amount per month. You need to be understanding regarding this. She may be very unhappy if she is not helping her family and it has nothing to do with you.

For Filipina It is Always about the Money

I hear so often that is always about A Filipina girlfriend and the money. Easy to understand where that comes from. Jhen is 24 years old, attractive, fit and has a decent job. She earns as much money as many college graduates her age. It is a little more than most call center agents earn and that is one of the top sought after jobs. Recent college graduates usually get those jobs because the English requirements for those jobs are quite high. Her income is nearly half of what my regular monthly budget is. That is extremely good for a Filipina. Most of the women I know are making less than P10,000 ($225) a month. Some worked 10 hours a day at a factory. One wonderful woman I dated worked ten to twelve hours a day, usually seven days a week for P4000 a month.  A call center agent usually starts at just under P30,0000. Many entry level college graduates earn less than this.

To find a girl, less than half my age that knows how to take care of her man, enjoys taking care of him and gets upset if I do it myself, it is more than I have a right to ask for. Better than I ever expected. And she really knows how to take care of her man. She takes care of me many times without me asking.

How Jhen and Rusty Met

We met through a mutual friend. To be more accurate it was a woman I was interested in and she in me but she never was able to make it happen. I met the friend (Sarah) only online, on Tagged. After months of trying to meet her, I gave up and she gave my number to Jhen. Then she regretted it and wished she had come to see me. I am sure she would have been a good woman too. I also think if Jhen disappeared tomorrow Sarah would be too afraid to make it happen.

Jhen and I got off to a troubled start, I nearly gave up on it but I thought I would try to get past it and see what happens. A minister encourage me to try to work it out, so I did. She said she was sorry and that was an excellent start. I’ll just say that she must be  insecure about her looks and that lead to the issue. I am glad I did give it another try.

Delayed Personal Meeting

She went home for the holidays which delayed our meeting in person.  That meeting finally happened on January 4th 2015. That initial meeting went quite well, in fact, she’s been here with me ever since. She works in Lapu Lapu and that commute is a pain but she seems to want to make it. She still has a room at a boarding house there but comes back here. She stayed there one night in January. I think she wanted to spend some time with her best friend. She is also beginning to believe there will not be another woman here while she’s gone.  I want her to make the commute. I like having her here even if I do keep vampire hours far too often. They are modified hours, I have not been sleeping all day which is good. Well not all the time, sometimes I do. No matter how hard I try to stay awake during the day. Sometimes I even force myself to stay awake during the day and I still find that I cannot sleep at night. Why is that? I do not know but sometimes trying to force it ends up with me being awake for a day or more.

Filipina Girlfriend Wishing to Please Me

I can’t go into the details of all it but she doesn’t tell me “No” very much. The only time I get reluctance out of her is over her own insecurities.  If I want something from her she gives it. I need that right now. There is one thing she resist. She is shy which is not unusual. I am trying very hard to show her passion is okay and that it is okay be a tiger with me. She has one inside, I see it sometimes. I ask her to be bold and give me everything I want from her. She does get cold though when she does that one thing so you can probably figure out what it is without my spelling it out.  She doesn’t tell me she won’t do it but I see reluctance so I usually do not push. I hope her forgetting the word “No” last but I suspect I will hear a no sooner or later. I know me. I always have to push to the limit. It is not a good thing either. I do not know if most men are like this but I have to know how far she will go for me. I see that as a personal flaw though.  It is my ego, it is not right but it is me. My ego is very hungry. Am I different? I doubt it. Men are all about their ego and women usually use it to control us. They are so crafty, emotionally they are the strong ones, not us men. We just pretend and they know it.

She wants to do Things for Me

Love in TextIt is common for a Filipina to strongly desire to serve her man. But, if you tell them you want to serve them they sometimes react with horror. When I need something from the store she will go get it for me but sometimes I go with her. She will insist that she carry the heavy objects for me. This is very common with Filipina, even most friends will do this. I am trying to get use to walking again. As usual though, I got sick when I try to do this. It did not help when I tried to absorb my breakfast through my lungs. I nearly choked myself to death at that. The bug spray I use is also deadly to my lungs. I will try another brand soon.

When she takes her clothes to the laundry, she takes mine too. At least half the time, she pays for it. I will sometimes force her to take the P100.   I went with her once there.  The first time to show her where it was but she has been back around five times without me. If I tried to carry the clothes there or back in I would be in very bad shape. I did it a few times early on. I did it when I had pneumonia but did not know that is what I had. That was very hard.

For the last several months, I have paid hotel staff to take it there for me. I’ve been paying that guy nearly the same thing that I pay to get the clothes actually washed!  I usually pay 90 pesos to the laundry service and I tip him 40 pesos. That is less than a dollar! He seems rather happy to get it. Since I paid him that for both taking them there and picking them up. It was doubling my cost. It is only about $2.00 though for getting the clothes washed. Sometimes I gave him a little more than P40 one way. There was a probably a few times I probably tipped him a little less.

Tonight she went to Super Metro and bought me three 1.5 liter cokes and crackers. I needed something from the pharmacy but forgot to ask her to get it. There is one close but my lungs are once again a mess. So she went to get that for me when she got back. She did not go to the one close by though, I am not sure why. She probably wanted to buy from a national chain since the small ones sometimes sell out-of- date medications. A few have been caught selling fakes too. She did this for me after working all day and she does this most days.

The cokes are a daily chore and very heavy for her but if I tried to go get them, it would hurt her. I can handle doing it usually but it hurts. She wants to do these things for me. I will go with her more once my lungs are better.  I am taking antibiotics at the moment. Oddly, when she tried to get them for me three pharmacies but they told her she had to have a prescription. I think they are doing this more so people will stop over taking them and thus creating more superbugs. But they usually do not ask me for one. They never have. It has been a couple of month since I needed to buy any but I had no problem buying very strong and very expensive super antibiotics that can kill you and I did it without a prescription. I told my doctor and he just shook his head in disbelief but he was out of town and I had to do something. The pharmacies operate with a lot discretion when it comes to selling prescription medications without a prescription. There are exceptions, finding a pharmacy to sell you Xanax might be impossible unless you have a prescription.

Bring me to Life

Christmas left me in a pretty bad state of mind. I had meet Jhen online but I had met many women online, only to have it blow up soon afterwards. This was the first time I had spent Christmas alone since the mid 90’s. I spent many alone during that time and I thought I was prepared for it. I was not prepared. I let being alone get to me. I went to a very dark place. I was not suicidal yet and do not know if I would have got there or not. I do not think I would have but I decided that I did wish to die. I have been sick so much lately, not enough money for fun and no special woman. For me, that is hell on earth.

A bit of a Ramble on Something Important to Me

Time for me to ramble again. I noticed lately that people prefer to hate those that are different rather than try to work things out. To not only tolerate,Meet Jennifer which would be a start, but to embrace. Not embrace by adopting but more than mere toleration too. Being a Christian, I am called to love those that hate me.

Loving Osama Bin Landen does not come easy for me. Not hating him is honestly about the best I can do except for maybe brief periods of time. I have made calls on social media to stop this hate and to listen to each other. To stop trying to change the each other. Seems most want the other guy to do try first. Pretty first grade stuff folks. I get brutally attacked for making such calls. It is okay because I know I am right.

We could stop almost all terrorism if we just started to show concern for others that are different than us. We could then work on the love part. Masses of people are completely closed to this. It is hard to hate someone that really loves you. Love them and you will end the hate in time.

I have decided that earth is hell. I do not know if there is another hell but earth is at least part of it. Hell, in the days the bible was being written was a place in Israel, a trash dump where some bodies were also left. So when the bible spoke of it as a place it is often referring to that place.  Alice Cooper wrote a song called “Brutal Planet” and also believes that earth is actually hell. It is a great song but did not get much attention on the radio or video channels. Yes, I ramble but you would not be reading my writing if I did not. All this hate contributed to my bad emotional condition.

Anyway I moved into a very bad place mentally and emotionally. Only bad for me, not bad for anyone else. After a month of Jhen she is starting to pull me out of it. I really could not ask for anything more from a woman. It is not her fault I got this bad. I did not get this bad until recently.

It did not help that I also decided to stop taking Effexor in December. I tapered off it for a couple of weeks. It is an anti-depressant and I need to take it. I do not need to spend the money on it. The problem is that it is extremely difficult to stop taking it. It has now been weeks since I took the last one and I am still getting “brain zaps.” It feels like electricity shoots through you head. It does not hurt but is not pleasant and you can hear it. There is nothing in the professional ligature on that but you will find others that have been on it write about that sensation.

Once when I was on a high dose of it, I forgot to take it for four days. Wow, I think I could have killed someone during that time. That drug has a powerful effect when you just stop taking it. I knew a heroin addict told me getting off heroin was easier for him!  I am sure this helped contribute to my dark place. Taking it also helps me sleep a bit and right now probably still making sleep hard for me. My last US doctor advised that I never stop taking it completely. It is also given for General Anxiety Disorder and though I may not look it, I am a very anxious person that tends to be a bit obsessive. Once again, I ramble but it plays a huge part in me finding that very dark place on Christmas Eve.

Jhen is Bringing me Back to Life

Jhen has me thinking a lot of a song by Evanescence named “Bring me back to life” and Jhen seem to understand I am at that point and is willing to help. She is doing it. She said “I will heal you.” I see signs of improvement. When I go out, I have started taking my camera with me again. For most of December, I was leaving my camera in the room when I went out. I know this is a very bad sign for me. During normal times, I always take my camera with me, you just never know when you will see a dog in a tree. Yes, I did once and did not take my camera so I usually think of that when I head out the door. Some lyrics from the song:

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I’ve become so numb
Without a soul my spirit’s sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home 

Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I’ve become

Those words hit him when it comes to Jhen. The song brings me to tears because I was there such a short time ago. Living this song, in the dark. Tears are of relief that I am not longer there.  Than you Jhen.


I have no idea what Jhen sees in me. She doesn’t need my financial support. A girl that does not need anything form me other than me was beyond my dreams. Also, my body is train wreck. She gives and gives. When I got to that dark place above, I asked God to kill me. I know most Christians think God controls everything. I think he can but chooses not to, instead leaving the choices to us. Rarely, God does intervene and we call those miracles. I could write an entire article on this topic and plan to but not on this site. I will try to remember to come back and link to it once I do.  I have to wonder, was this God’s answer to my death request prayers? Maybe but I know better than to know beyond a doubt that when something I want happens to believe it is from God. That is often wishful thinking and what I thought was heaven turned out to be hell.

I have also started writing again. I have several articles in progress. Some people noticed I did not write for about six weeks. I do not like to write when I am depressed because what comes out is often not the message I usually want to get across. It is not me.

It has only been a month and my love for her grows daily. I am hopeful again and she is bringing me back to life. I would have eventually come back probably if I did not die. My time since May of 2014 has been hard. One problem after another. We all go through this and I was doing it alone. One very insightful woman from long ago in my past told me “Rusty you are not a loner. You are a loner as long as you have that one special person.”

There is another change I see. The ladies are interested again. I just had two absolute babes making eye contact and sending signals. Not working girls, just your average young Filipina women that were clearly interested. My ego loves that. I enjoy it but I’ll stick with one. She needs my loyalty and she will get it. There was a group of underage high school girls very interested. I suspect they had no idea what they would get but it is still good for my ego. I could do without that kind of temptation. Two of them were exceptionally pretty.

I think women of all ages can sense when a guy is down. For some, it brings out the care giver in them. For most other women, they have no interest at all. Hard to project confidence when you are depressed and woman generally want that from us. The last week has seen a much larger number of women showing interest even when Jhen is not at my side. Now, a lot of women are sending very clear signals to me when I am on the sidewalk. I find it hard to believe I can find a woman to treat me better and need less from me than Jhen.

I Think the Hard Times are Fading Away

So things are looking up for me again. Hopefully, I will be able to say again that “I am having the time of my life in the Philippines.” Right now, I have everything I need. Hard times will come again but hopefully I will not be facing them alone.

What I hope you get is out of this is that you really can find a woman in the Philippines that does not even care about money. She is not the first one that did not care about that. I found three in December that did not care and one a year and a half ago. Two of those actually needed my help but it was not the basis for their interest. You can find a good, sexy, young woman in the Philippines that does not care about money.

There will be more pictures of Jhen later. I have not taken a lot. She is not easy to photograph, she looks better than many of her pictures show. They will be better once I get outside with her. I hope we can visit San Pedro Fort soon. I have other places I would rather take her but this one is cheap. Or maybe Crocolandia in Talisay. That will not be expensive and something I have not done. Honestly, I’m afraid to spend any money I do not have to spend. I have wanted to go there for years so I think it is time to do it. We might can do both. Maybe neither of them. It is a good time to do it as it is often not so hot right now. Fort San Pedro is not a huge thing to do but it is close and she has not been there. I would rather make another trip to the Taoist Temple but that means renting a taxi round trip and that will drive up the cost.

How can a guy not love a woman like what I know so far? She’s not perfect but she has been near perfect for our first month. Looking for perfection means one will be lonely. It is awesome what she does for me. So nice to have her softness in my life amid all this cold hard uncaring steel of the world, of this brutal planet. I am hopeful but do not worry too much. It is too soon to know if she will really be there forever. As for myself, I can see no reason to look for another.  That is a big fear for her; that I will cheat. It isn’t going to happen. There is a lot of sexy temptation out there but chances of them being as good to me as Jhen is is very low. Jhen knows I”m writing this but she has not read or approved it. I hope I do not get in trouble and she likes it.

Please share your thoughts below and always share with your social networks if you find it to be useful. It will be interesting to see what kind of things people have to say. I do not expect it to be all good. I will just wait and see.

By Rusty Ferguson

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