The second half of 2014 was not a pleasant time for me so my Philippines expat journal entry will not be the most positive article I ever wrote. Financial distress each and every month, my pension just is not enough for me anymore. And it was a mostly lonely time. Not completely lonely but mostly lonely. I met two good woman during this time and some real users too. For two months there was nobody at all. I was striking out at every turn. This period of time was not a positive period and I do not like to write articles where I feel mostly negative. I suppose however that is part of life and it can be part of your life even in what many consider to be paradise. Even as I publish this, things are much improved and looking up for me but that does not change that the prior six months were not my happiest months on earth. By far, not my worst though.
Oh I might have met some women that I have forgot. Might have had some prospects that I forgot. Some women I never forget, even after they are long gone. Some I wish I could forget but I cannot. In a few cases that now old Eric Clapton song “Old Love” sometimes reminds me of them. Some I do not really wish to forget even if it did not turn out well.
July, August and September were lonely months. No women really in my life. I didn’t see a woman for a couple of months. I was just strike out city. Then in October, there were three women in my life. Didn’t plan it that way and one of those I didn’t meet until November, I think. Beautiful girl but not a match.
Two were 21 and one was a user, the other one just mentally ill. One you’ve read about the other you haven’t. Seeing her, was like a James Bond movie. She was all cloak and dagger as she was afraid someone would see her with me. She was crazy about me at first. I thought she was going to be the one until I realized she was hurting me just to see if I cared. There is a picture of she and I below. Just a selfie snapshot taken with the phone. The user was April Joy. I had to have April thrown out of the hotel in either November or December, not sure which. She showed up one night knocking on my door at 3AM. She would not stop, at 4AM I called down to the front desk and had the guard throw her out. That worked, she finally stopped showing up. She keeps asking me for help, no way am I going to give her anything more. Now I have changed my phone number. Problem solved.
In December, I met two really nice ladies. If Jhen hadn’t come along, I’m certain that Ellah would be with me now. I feel bad about that situation because Ellah has fallen on difficulttimes. The timing was just off. Jhen was in the right place at the right time and I’m very happy with having Jhen in my life. Jhen is a very jealous lady. I told her as I was writing this, she has to remember this is about a time before her. I hope she remembers. The other woman was very short. She kept telling me she was a midget. She is not a midget at all. She is a good woman, her name is Chun. For both Chun and Ellah, the timing just didn’t work out for us. I hope they can understand that. Hard for a guy to pick one woman but those do seem to be the rules most of us must live by. I believe a man can love more than one woman but women don’t usually work that way. They usually need our 100 percent loyalty and I am not going to lie about that kind of thing. Lies hurt people more than anything else I think. Maybe I’d feel different if what I needed was more about physical love and less about emotional love. I’ve learned I need someone that I can count on to be there. I’ve been called a playboy a few times because I tried to make things work with several women. They did not work out. I was sincere with all and made no promises before Jhen. Now I am down to one and I will give her what she needs. She does not want money.
Hell on Earth
That’s the way I have thought of the second half of the year. One of the most comical prospects was a beautiful lady a wonderful friend tried to fix me up with. I like the wonderful friend but she is married and that must be respected. It turned out to be comical because that woman likes women.
Most of the time, I didn’t think of it as hell on earth but then the Christmas holiday came. That is always a horrible time to be alone. That was very hard for me. Not the first time, I have spent many alone but this was the first time in about fifteen or twenty years. Try as I might to ignore the holiday except of a brief recognition of Christ, I did not wish to be part of it. It is such a magical time of year for children, especially those in the West that it hard when you are alone. I am still a kid at heart and I like it that way.
My sadness had nothing to do with the Philippines other than wondering why I cannot find a good woman even here. Actually there were two that probably would have been with me if they did not have family responsibilities. I understood that. Still, I was profoundly sad on Christmas Eve. While not suicidal, I was quite ready to leave this world. I believe there is something better waiting and it was okay with me if I went there. In fact, that is exactly what I wanted.
I thought of one thing that could cheer me up but I had neither the energy nor money to make it happen. While I was lonely, I had a roof over my head. I was not out on the streets. Not everyone on the streets is lonely but some are.
I wished I could buy by some clothes, food and toys and distribute them to the homeless on and near Colon Street. Not only would it have done them good it would have given me the feeling of some kind of purpose.
Most of the rest of my second half of 2014 can be found in three post I made about my “Romantic Misadventures.” There are three of those post. I kind of thought the last one would be my last and it probably will be in the last of that series. I stopped looking.
I actually stopped looking after the woman that told me if I wanted to see here again I must give her 5000 peso. She seemed like a great woman but that changed everything. Then most of what she had said to me, I saw in a completely different way. I stopped looking after that but they just kept coming.
There is a new lady in my life. She’s my girlfriend. Her name is Jhen. There is potential for this to go well but we got off to a really poor start. She’s 24 and attractive. Tiny which I like. Today (Jan. 4th) is the first day for us to be together in person and it has gone well. We got our start in late December but she wasn’t a huge part of my life during the month because she has been traveling,
I have not been taking many pictures. See me without my camera a lot? I’m not doing well when you see that. I felt reasonably well. For several months only short fevers caused by lupus but no real sickness. Getting that pneumonia out of my system was a major turnaround.
Update: I will write an article about Jhen and I soon. It is now three weeks into January and things are going well for Jhen or Jenny and myself. I started writing this early in January but didn’t finish it.
Back in June and July I wrote how all of my physical pain was gone. That didn’t last too long. I have a lot of pain when I walk. To be honest, the pain returned when Jessie left. You may remember that she was with me in July to help nurse me back to life. She didn’t want to be here and that kind of finished that off it appears. Funny how the pain in my joints returned at about the same time. Cause and effect? I don’t know but it kind of looks that way. In fact, I concluded I was dying of a broken heart. I learned during this time that Jessie never understood who I am. she does not know me. This is not easy. Actually, I don’t think she cares.
Finances Stretched Thin
Besides being able to help others, some cash to travel with would give me more to write about and make me feel much better too. I’ve talked a lot about why my finances now fall short. It is all tied to the economic downturn in the USA. Low inflation in the USA means no or small raises for me while there is normal inflation in the Philippines. The dollar to Philippine peso has also not moved favorable for me. From 50 pesos to 1 US dollar down to 40 pesos to one US dollar. We can expect to see continued improvement for the strength of the dollar for 2015 but nothing is guaranteed when it comes to that. It is probably though.
Having some cash to do thing would also give me more to write about. I prefer to write about what I’m actually doing as it relates to the Philippines. I am not in a position to get a lot of new material. Oh I could have hung out on the dating sites, that’s always good for more stories along those lines but I think I have made my point about those places.
I will say though, if you stick at it you can find women that does not care if you are not rich. I know because I have found at least four of those of the last eight months. They are here, not easy to find but I strongly suggest you wait for one that will like you even if your broke. No it is not easy but do not let anyone tell you that it cannot be done because if can be done.
I really am not keen on adding anything to blog just to add to it something, anything. I look for something new to write about. What I will try to do is find some articles form my old websites, rewrite them and post my updated thoughts here. I can do that if I can get my emotions in a better place. They have not been good but we all go through times like this. I continue with my way, try not to expect good times and try to make the best of what comes my way.
I hope your holidays were better than mine. Next year reach out to those that you know are alone. Hopefully that won’t include me, but it might. If I was sure, I would not have even said that. We all go through less than happy times, seems I had hit a low point. Perhaps my new love will turn things around.
Filed under: Expat Journal
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